Friday, April 03, 2009
Freelance Blogging
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya...
"You killed my father. Prepare to die."
I will give you three guesses what movie I watched with my grandparents this evening. But I'm getting ahead of myself...
My day has been long but very enjoyable. Jack and Brenda are visiting today and tomorrow. I spent my morning helping dad move Christmas trees and decorations back to the shed (finally!). Everything was piled on the back porch.
Jack and Brenda didn't make it into Poplar Bluff until 2 PM, so my parents and I went for BBQ at Spencer's. I hadn't had BBQ in quite some time, so I really enjoyed that.
I've laughed so much today! We always have a blast every time they come to visit. We spent much of the afternoon running around. We went to Rowland Stollen Bakery and got stollens for breakfast in the morning. Went to Walmart and got a 12 pack of Pepsi - a necessity when there are Gillespies around. :)
Tonight was the middle-agers' dinner/movie night at church, so Mom, Dad, Jack, and Brenda all went and ate lasagna and watched Mamma Mia! I'm so glad I didn't have to watch it. What can make a chick flick worse??? Answer: ABBA music!
So I ended up at the grandparents' house. We ordered pizza and watched The Princess Bride on their new 52" HD LCD tv. I couldn't believe they had never seen such a classic movie!
Time for me to call it a night though. Church in the morning.
Peace.
Posted from my iPhone
Friday, January 16, 2009
Resolutions... goals... impossibilities?
Since over half a month has elapsed since we went out and bought new calendars, I guess it's time for me to establish some goals. I'm terrible at this - that's why I usually don't do it. But since I'm hoping 2009 will bring two semesters that were better than the last one, I suppose it can't hurt to face them with a new set of resolutions... Here goes nothing:
- Stop biting my fingernails: How long have I told myself that I need to stop doing this? I'm now twenty years old, and I can honestly say that I've been biting my fingernails almost that long. I completely realize that it's a nasty habit, but that doesn't make it easy to quit. I also realize that I am somewhat of a control freak, and that this is something that I often can't stop myself from doing. Do you know how distressing it is for a control freak to not even be able to control himself?
Reach 10,000 songs in my iTunes: I am currently at 7,793 songs. I don't know why I feel so compelled, but that simply seems significant. I have no doubts that I can accomplish this by the end of the year, especially if I'm going to be working at RAGE 103.7
Play some concerts: I really want to tour some coffeeshops and such in the Cape Girardeau, MO area. Joshua Smith and I are playing music together, and I really enjoy what we've been doing.
Write every day: By moving into a major this semester that focuses more on creativity than on math, I truly hope I can accomplish this. I don't even really care what it is that I write every day; it could be blogging, writing in my journal, writing for a class, writing fiction or poetry or lyrics... whatever. I just really want to write every day for at least a year and see what I can produce. I'm taking a class this spring called "Writing For the Mass Media," and I'm pretty psyched about it. That should help me in my goal. I am certainly interested in journalism. In my spare time on the Internet, I ran across a slideshow of pictures detailing the "writing spaces" of several famous writers and thinkers, hosted at architecturaldigest.com (Don't think me insane simply because I have enough free time to look at things like this). While I was looking through these amazing pictures, I realized that I would be much more likely to write if I only had Rudyard Kipling's amazing library to work in:
Alas, I do not... So I will have to settle for wherever I am at the time. Someday, someday....
I would also like to mention that I am somewhat ecstatic to be moving to a major like Mass Communication. One of the leading causes of unemployment is occupational immobility. In our ever changing, technological, post-modern world (and with our economy going to hell in a hand basket), I believe fewer and fewer people are going to find themselves in careers and jobs that will last a lifetime. This used to happen all the time, but no more. Technology is constantly changing, and people constantly have to adapt and learn the skills they need to keep up. I believe a communication degree will give me those skills I need to achieve my goals. To try to adapt in a field like Computer Science is difficult at best. By majoring in Mass/Media Communication, I'm hoping to open up the doors to many different job possibilities. I will obtain the skills necessary to potentially land a job in radio, journalism, or audio production - to name only a few. If I had stayed in Computer Science, all of my time would be devoted to keeping up with the latest programming languages and technologies necessary simply to survive in the field. Now, I should learn skills necessary in many different professions, and I will not be so stressed that I can't learn the necessary skills for other jobs.
Meanwhile, The Book Rack is hiring in Cape Girardeau, and I fully intend to apply on Monday when I move back for the semester. I'm excited and hopeful. I've always wanted to work in a bookstore!
I would also like to mention that I am somewhat ecstatic to be moving to a major like Mass Communication. One of the leading causes of unemployment is occupational immobility. In our ever changing, technological, post-modern world (and with our economy going to hell in a hand basket), I believe fewer and fewer people are going to find themselves in careers and jobs that will last a lifetime. This used to happen all the time, but no more. Technology is constantly changing, and people constantly have to adapt and learn the skills they need to keep up. I believe a communication degree will give me those skills I need to achieve my goals. To try to adapt in a field like Computer Science is difficult at best. By majoring in Mass/Media Communication, I'm hoping to open up the doors to many different job possibilities. I will obtain the skills necessary to potentially land a job in radio, journalism, or audio production - to name only a few. If I had stayed in Computer Science, all of my time would be devoted to keeping up with the latest programming languages and technologies necessary simply to survive in the field. Now, I should learn skills necessary in many different professions, and I will not be so stressed that I can't learn the necessary skills for other jobs.
Meanwhile, The Book Rack is hiring in Cape Girardeau, and I fully intend to apply on Monday when I move back for the semester. I'm excited and hopeful. I've always wanted to work in a bookstore!
A new look
A new year has begun, and with it comes a new look and a new title for my blog. Instead of reading my "Random Thoughts," I now welcome you to "The World As I Know It." I hope that you and the few readers I may have, enjoy the new appearance, the new links, and hopefully much more writing than ever before; so, grab a cup of coffee, kick back, and enjoy life with me.
Yes, yes... I know I'm a little late for the new year, but it's been a long break full of activity... and lots of sleep! That is going to come to a screeching halt next week as I begin my second semester at Southeast Missouri State University. I hope I can get more people to join me for the ride -- maybe more readers, if anyone's actually interested.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Bit of an update!
It's a cold, gray, dreary day, and I'm enjoying it! My next class isn't until 3:00, so I just thought I'd post an update since my last post was so depressing!
Quite a few things have changed since last I wrote -- for the better. After that week of misery when I posted last time, I decided things had to change. I can't spend 8 hours a day in a room with no windows (besides the Operating System - HA!), writing code for a living. I would simply go insane. I also came to the conclusion that a lot of Computer Science and IT people can communicate with a machine more fluently than with another human. I've decided that I value communication too much to continue in that direction. I'm just not quite the geek I thought I was. :)
Obviously after deciding that, the next question became, "What am I going to do?!" I decided to take some online personality tests and career placement tests. They showed that I'm fairly well split between Mathematical/Scientific thinking and Artistic thinking. Surprise me!
It dawned on me recently that Computer Science is almost entirely mathematical and scientific, in both design and implementation. However, as a musician, writer, and lover of improvisation, I have this strong desire -- no, need -- for artistic design. I need for my designs to be artistic in nature. I can handle math and science, and I don't mind applying them during implementation... But I have a deep appreciation for art, and I value it highly. It is obvious to me that my artistic outlets are music and writing, and Comp Sci does not give me any room to express that artistic side of my personality.
So, with the aforementioned test results in hand, I went to meet with Donna Tucker, my transfer advisor who helped me decide to come to SEMO in the first place (Interestingly, her son is Sam, the manager of Hastings in Poplar Bluff). She had been, and still is, the nicest and most helpful person I'd dealt with here. I found out that, at age 20, she to had lost her sense of direction and actually dropped out of college; but after taking some tests like the ones I'd taken, she went on to get a degree in Public Relations. At last, someone who can communicate!
The career tests actually ranked my number one career as "Physician," but I hate biology and don't deal well with sick people -- especially kids. Too depressing. I have a real problem with mortality... Why do you think I like horror and vampires so much? haha... Dad always likes to tell everyone about the time I watched Our Town and cried for an hour because of all the death in that story.
Further down the list of careers, it mentioned pursuing a degree in Mass Communication; that caught my attention. I started looking into the Mass Communication program and found out that SEMO is one of only two colleges in Missouri with an accredited Mass Communication program, the other one being Mizzou. There are five "Options" within the program: Public Relations, Video Production, Journalism, Advertising, and..... Radio! Ding, ding, ding -- I'm interested! I've toured radio stations, and I love them!
I made all the necessary appointments, and I've talked to Dr. Tammy Baldwin and Dr. Bruce Mims. Dr. Baldwin is the interim chair of the Mass Communication program, and Dr. Mims is the head of the Radio Option and the college radio station, Rage 103.7. Unfortunately, the Radio Option classes all start in the fall, but I can get a jump start on the MC classes in the spring. The major also requires a minor. Fortunately, I'm only 3 credits away from a Math minor already, so I'm knocking that out of the way next semester as well - ironically enough, with a Computer Programming course. I also plan to minor in Business Administration; although it's a 30 hour minor (that's big!), it will actually help, since I want to get my Masters in Business Administration (MBA) anyway!
So, I will be working at the college radio station, Rage 103.7, next fall, or perhaps even sooner if Dr. Mims can figure out a way to plug me into that. I'm anxiously looking forward to learn how to use all the software there at the station. They gave me a tour of Rage, and all of their equipment is top of the line, like what you'd see in professional studios.
I don't know that I want to be an actual radio personality, although it could be fun. I think it would be amazing to become the Music Director, who actually picks the songs the station will play! What an artistic outlet! It involves technology, and I'd hear a lot of music that way. I'll be taking an Audio Production class, and next semester I'm taking Writing for the Mass Media. Sounds fun!
What I would ultimately like to do, after I get my MBA, is open and run my own music studio. It's a long shot, but I'm so passionate about music.
Last night, I was hanging out at the Baptist Student Center. Initially, it was just a study/coffee party with Alyssa, but more people showed up. The homework went in the backpack, and we went in the Chapel! :) Aaron hopped on the piano, Joshua on his new 12 string Takamine, Aaron and Alyssa grabbed mics, and I went to the sound board to mix. Fun!!! Got everything sounding great, then hopped on the drums that are set up in the BSC. The drums don't sound too bad, but the cymbals are crap. Anyway, we sat around and played music for hours. We learned East to West by Casting Crowns, and had it sounding great by the time we quit for the evening. We're going to perform it soon. Everyone was excited, because we'd never all played together. We also worked on an original arrangement Aaron had put together and played for Chapel in the past... but it sounded so much better with the full band sound.
After that, Aaron, Steven, Joshua, and I went to Huddle House to hang out and work on homework. This was around midnight. :) I got a waffle! haha! Yummy!
Steven, Joshua, and I came back and watched a couple episodes of The Simpsons, and I didn't get back to the dorm until well after 1:00. It was so nice to hang out with friends and just have fun!
Quite a few things have changed since last I wrote -- for the better. After that week of misery when I posted last time, I decided things had to change. I can't spend 8 hours a day in a room with no windows (besides the Operating System - HA!), writing code for a living. I would simply go insane. I also came to the conclusion that a lot of Computer Science and IT people can communicate with a machine more fluently than with another human. I've decided that I value communication too much to continue in that direction. I'm just not quite the geek I thought I was. :)
Obviously after deciding that, the next question became, "What am I going to do?!" I decided to take some online personality tests and career placement tests. They showed that I'm fairly well split between Mathematical/Scientific thinking and Artistic thinking. Surprise me!
It dawned on me recently that Computer Science is almost entirely mathematical and scientific, in both design and implementation. However, as a musician, writer, and lover of improvisation, I have this strong desire -- no, need -- for artistic design. I need for my designs to be artistic in nature. I can handle math and science, and I don't mind applying them during implementation... But I have a deep appreciation for art, and I value it highly. It is obvious to me that my artistic outlets are music and writing, and Comp Sci does not give me any room to express that artistic side of my personality.
So, with the aforementioned test results in hand, I went to meet with Donna Tucker, my transfer advisor who helped me decide to come to SEMO in the first place (Interestingly, her son is Sam, the manager of Hastings in Poplar Bluff). She had been, and still is, the nicest and most helpful person I'd dealt with here. I found out that, at age 20, she to had lost her sense of direction and actually dropped out of college; but after taking some tests like the ones I'd taken, she went on to get a degree in Public Relations. At last, someone who can communicate!
The career tests actually ranked my number one career as "Physician," but I hate biology and don't deal well with sick people -- especially kids. Too depressing. I have a real problem with mortality... Why do you think I like horror and vampires so much? haha... Dad always likes to tell everyone about the time I watched Our Town and cried for an hour because of all the death in that story.
Further down the list of careers, it mentioned pursuing a degree in Mass Communication; that caught my attention. I started looking into the Mass Communication program and found out that SEMO is one of only two colleges in Missouri with an accredited Mass Communication program, the other one being Mizzou. There are five "Options" within the program: Public Relations, Video Production, Journalism, Advertising, and..... Radio! Ding, ding, ding -- I'm interested! I've toured radio stations, and I love them!
I made all the necessary appointments, and I've talked to Dr. Tammy Baldwin and Dr. Bruce Mims. Dr. Baldwin is the interim chair of the Mass Communication program, and Dr. Mims is the head of the Radio Option and the college radio station, Rage 103.7. Unfortunately, the Radio Option classes all start in the fall, but I can get a jump start on the MC classes in the spring. The major also requires a minor. Fortunately, I'm only 3 credits away from a Math minor already, so I'm knocking that out of the way next semester as well - ironically enough, with a Computer Programming course. I also plan to minor in Business Administration; although it's a 30 hour minor (that's big!), it will actually help, since I want to get my Masters in Business Administration (MBA) anyway!
So, I will be working at the college radio station, Rage 103.7, next fall, or perhaps even sooner if Dr. Mims can figure out a way to plug me into that. I'm anxiously looking forward to learn how to use all the software there at the station. They gave me a tour of Rage, and all of their equipment is top of the line, like what you'd see in professional studios.
I don't know that I want to be an actual radio personality, although it could be fun. I think it would be amazing to become the Music Director, who actually picks the songs the station will play! What an artistic outlet! It involves technology, and I'd hear a lot of music that way. I'll be taking an Audio Production class, and next semester I'm taking Writing for the Mass Media. Sounds fun!
What I would ultimately like to do, after I get my MBA, is open and run my own music studio. It's a long shot, but I'm so passionate about music.
Last night, I was hanging out at the Baptist Student Center. Initially, it was just a study/coffee party with Alyssa, but more people showed up. The homework went in the backpack, and we went in the Chapel! :) Aaron hopped on the piano, Joshua on his new 12 string Takamine, Aaron and Alyssa grabbed mics, and I went to the sound board to mix. Fun!!! Got everything sounding great, then hopped on the drums that are set up in the BSC. The drums don't sound too bad, but the cymbals are crap. Anyway, we sat around and played music for hours. We learned East to West by Casting Crowns, and had it sounding great by the time we quit for the evening. We're going to perform it soon. Everyone was excited, because we'd never all played together. We also worked on an original arrangement Aaron had put together and played for Chapel in the past... but it sounded so much better with the full band sound.
After that, Aaron, Steven, Joshua, and I went to Huddle House to hang out and work on homework. This was around midnight. :) I got a waffle! haha! Yummy!
Steven, Joshua, and I came back and watched a couple episodes of The Simpsons, and I didn't get back to the dorm until well after 1:00. It was so nice to hang out with friends and just have fun!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Overwhelmed
Today has been the ultimate day from hell. Sadly, this will be my first blog post since starting my semester at SEMO, and it's a shame because now people will get the worst possible impression of how things are going for me. Oh well -- like I said, day from hell.
Let me preface this by saying that yesterday was going really well, until last night. I went to the Baptist Student Center at 9:00 PM for a Hitchcock movie night (love this holiday season!!!) I started not feeling well about a half hour into the movie and was feeling extremely tired and fatigued (still am). So, I came back to the dorm before 10 to go to bed. Unfortunately, someone with more authority than I has found it fit to change our heating/cooling system for the season; although I have my thermostat turned all the way down, on 55°F, I can't get the temperature below 73°F -- that's with the windows open to let in the near freezing outdoor air and with a high velocity fan blowing in the room. I don't sleep well when I'm too warm (I have trouble breathing when it's too warm), and 73° is absolutely stuffy in this room at night. So, I didn't sleep well last night.
When I woke up this morning, my hip was sore for no apparent reason whatsoever -- a gift from my dad, courtesy of genetics. If I don't have to have my knees replaced someday, it will most certainly be my hips instead.
As I was leaving the dorm for a quick breakfast before my first class of the day, I stopped at my truck to grab a notebook I needed. As I was putting the notebook in my backpack, I dropped my iPhone... my $500 16GB original iPhone... I watched helplessly as, in slow motion, my iPhone fell to the ground below, landing face-down on the parking lot. Although it still works, and the touch screen seems virtually unaffected, the top left corner of the screen is shattered, hairline cracks sprawling across the surface like a cracked windshield. Needless to say, I was upset. I called Apple this evening to find out about getting it replaced or repaired. Of course, "I'm sorry, but accidental damage isn't covered by the warranty" (what is -- intentional damage?!). "You have two options. Since it is an original iPhone, we can repair it for $249... Or, if you are eligible for an upgrade, you can get a 16 GB iPhone 3G for $299. This would start a new 2 year contract with AT&T." Guess who's living with a cracked iPhone for a good while.
First class: Linear Algebra. Not a huge deal, but I have a test in there on Thursday. Yay... I can't even begin to express my enthusiasm. //sarcasm... Still need to memorize three or four proofs. Fun stuff, let me tell you now - made even better by the fact that the guy words his problems entirely differently from the problems in the book, making it virtually impossible to look up examples.
Second class: Computer Science. Lab today. No big deal, straight forward. Work on the programming assignment given in the lab. Here's where I'm starting to get stressed. I have to set up an appointment with my advisor on or around November 4. I've never met my advisor. Her name is... let me look this up... /*Checking SEMO Portal to find advisor's name*/ ... Ziping Liu. My "Priority Registration" date is November 18, so I have to talk to my advisor to try to figure out my spring 2009 schedule and get my Alternate PIN so I can register for classes. Here's where the stress comes into play. I've realized since starting SEMO that the CS major revolves almost solely around programming. And while that may be fun and games, I'm not certain that it's what I want as my career. So much of it seems like busy work that is extremely time consuming and distracts from my other classes -- and while, yes, it may be teaching me logical reasoning and critical thinking skills, I feel like they're skillsets I'll only be using if I want to be a programmer full-time in the future.
This puts me in a bad situation. I currently have an A in Computer Science, Religion in America, and Linear Algebra. I have/had a borderline B in Economics (I'm getting to that topic), and a borderline B in Issues in Modern Architecture.
Next class: Economics. This is where I lose all sense of happiness (and yes, unfortunately even joy) in my day. I love this class, everything makes sense during the lectures, I volunteer correct answers and provide my personal insight into topics. Very enjoyable class.............. Today, I got my grade back on Exam 2. 69%. Devastating. I studied for THREE HOURS for this test. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't study for three hours for anything. That dropped my grade to a C. Fortunately, we have 15 total homework assignments, and she will drop the lowest 5 of them. With that in mind, if I drop my five lowest homework scores, I have an 80.4% - barely a B. This is not satisfactory, and is still very dangerous territory; there are only 3 regular exams, a comprehensive final, the homework assignments, a presentation, and a paper. I'm hoping I can do well enough on everything else to at least keep a B.
Final class of the day: Religion in America. My only good class of the day; very little to say, other than the fact that I have a paper due on November 5 for which I have not yet chosen a topic. Could do a "History of the Disciples of Christ" paper, but I'm really uninformed on that topic. Could do a paper on Billy Graham or something, but that seems so cliché. Still undecided. Fortunately, I can pump out a paper in a night if I have to. I can still proudly say I've never made anything but an A on any paper -- even the ones written in one sitting.
Another thing that's stressing me: the Honors Program. It makes everything more stressful, in every possible way. I have to complete eight total honors classes, either by taking classes specifically designated as "honors classes" or by completing "honors contracts." Because I'm a transfer junior, I have to complete an average of TWO of these EVERY semester. Which means that when I meet with my advisor who barely speaks Engrish, I have to somehow communicate to her that I want to fit not just one, but two, honors courses into my already CRAZY Computer Science schedule; and God only knows if she'll even be familiar with the way the Honors Program functions -- I've learned that at both colleges: a vast majority of the faculty are not familiar with the policies and regulations of the Honors Program. Yay. I'm already struggling academically, and I have to take harder, more time consuming courses. Then, I have the concern that if I don't stay in the Honors Program that I may not be able to stay in Vandiver.
Plus, I have this constant worry in the back of my mind (closer to the front of my mind recently), that if I don't maintain a 3.5 GPA this year, that my scholarships won't be renewable and I won't be able to afford an education.
And what if I'm not even sure that Computer Science is the right major for me? Do I really want to program and write codes for a living? If not, have I wasted a semester of my time and money already?
This is misery. A part of me is a dreamer who wishes he could get paid to just play the music he loves; I have no doubt in my God-given talent, and that I can play just as well as many professionals. But it's unrealistic to think that I could make a living doing it, just as it's unrealistic to think there's any money in writing.
Oh yeah, did I mention that I still don't have a job?
I'm sick.
Let me preface this by saying that yesterday was going really well, until last night. I went to the Baptist Student Center at 9:00 PM for a Hitchcock movie night (love this holiday season!!!) I started not feeling well about a half hour into the movie and was feeling extremely tired and fatigued (still am). So, I came back to the dorm before 10 to go to bed. Unfortunately, someone with more authority than I has found it fit to change our heating/cooling system for the season; although I have my thermostat turned all the way down, on 55°F, I can't get the temperature below 73°F -- that's with the windows open to let in the near freezing outdoor air and with a high velocity fan blowing in the room. I don't sleep well when I'm too warm (I have trouble breathing when it's too warm), and 73° is absolutely stuffy in this room at night. So, I didn't sleep well last night.
When I woke up this morning, my hip was sore for no apparent reason whatsoever -- a gift from my dad, courtesy of genetics. If I don't have to have my knees replaced someday, it will most certainly be my hips instead.
As I was leaving the dorm for a quick breakfast before my first class of the day, I stopped at my truck to grab a notebook I needed. As I was putting the notebook in my backpack, I dropped my iPhone... my $500 16GB original iPhone... I watched helplessly as, in slow motion, my iPhone fell to the ground below, landing face-down on the parking lot. Although it still works, and the touch screen seems virtually unaffected, the top left corner of the screen is shattered, hairline cracks sprawling across the surface like a cracked windshield. Needless to say, I was upset. I called Apple this evening to find out about getting it replaced or repaired. Of course, "I'm sorry, but accidental damage isn't covered by the warranty" (what is -- intentional damage?!). "You have two options. Since it is an original iPhone, we can repair it for $249... Or, if you are eligible for an upgrade, you can get a 16 GB iPhone 3G for $299. This would start a new 2 year contract with AT&T." Guess who's living with a cracked iPhone for a good while.
First class: Linear Algebra. Not a huge deal, but I have a test in there on Thursday. Yay... I can't even begin to express my enthusiasm. //sarcasm... Still need to memorize three or four proofs. Fun stuff, let me tell you now - made even better by the fact that the guy words his problems entirely differently from the problems in the book, making it virtually impossible to look up examples.
Second class: Computer Science. Lab today. No big deal, straight forward. Work on the programming assignment given in the lab. Here's where I'm starting to get stressed. I have to set up an appointment with my advisor on or around November 4. I've never met my advisor. Her name is... let me look this up... /*Checking SEMO Portal to find advisor's name*/ ... Ziping Liu. My "Priority Registration" date is November 18, so I have to talk to my advisor to try to figure out my spring 2009 schedule and get my Alternate PIN so I can register for classes. Here's where the stress comes into play. I've realized since starting SEMO that the CS major revolves almost solely around programming. And while that may be fun and games, I'm not certain that it's what I want as my career. So much of it seems like busy work that is extremely time consuming and distracts from my other classes -- and while, yes, it may be teaching me logical reasoning and critical thinking skills, I feel like they're skillsets I'll only be using if I want to be a programmer full-time in the future.
This puts me in a bad situation. I currently have an A in Computer Science, Religion in America, and Linear Algebra. I have/had a borderline B in Economics (I'm getting to that topic), and a borderline B in Issues in Modern Architecture.
Next class: Economics. This is where I lose all sense of happiness (and yes, unfortunately even joy) in my day. I love this class, everything makes sense during the lectures, I volunteer correct answers and provide my personal insight into topics. Very enjoyable class.............. Today, I got my grade back on Exam 2. 69%. Devastating. I studied for THREE HOURS for this test. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't study for three hours for anything. That dropped my grade to a C. Fortunately, we have 15 total homework assignments, and she will drop the lowest 5 of them. With that in mind, if I drop my five lowest homework scores, I have an 80.4% - barely a B. This is not satisfactory, and is still very dangerous territory; there are only 3 regular exams, a comprehensive final, the homework assignments, a presentation, and a paper. I'm hoping I can do well enough on everything else to at least keep a B.
Final class of the day: Religion in America. My only good class of the day; very little to say, other than the fact that I have a paper due on November 5 for which I have not yet chosen a topic. Could do a "History of the Disciples of Christ" paper, but I'm really uninformed on that topic. Could do a paper on Billy Graham or something, but that seems so cliché. Still undecided. Fortunately, I can pump out a paper in a night if I have to. I can still proudly say I've never made anything but an A on any paper -- even the ones written in one sitting.
Another thing that's stressing me: the Honors Program. It makes everything more stressful, in every possible way. I have to complete eight total honors classes, either by taking classes specifically designated as "honors classes" or by completing "honors contracts." Because I'm a transfer junior, I have to complete an average of TWO of these EVERY semester. Which means that when I meet with my advisor who barely speaks Engrish, I have to somehow communicate to her that I want to fit not just one, but two, honors courses into my already CRAZY Computer Science schedule; and God only knows if she'll even be familiar with the way the Honors Program functions -- I've learned that at both colleges: a vast majority of the faculty are not familiar with the policies and regulations of the Honors Program. Yay. I'm already struggling academically, and I have to take harder, more time consuming courses. Then, I have the concern that if I don't stay in the Honors Program that I may not be able to stay in Vandiver.
Plus, I have this constant worry in the back of my mind (closer to the front of my mind recently), that if I don't maintain a 3.5 GPA this year, that my scholarships won't be renewable and I won't be able to afford an education.
And what if I'm not even sure that Computer Science is the right major for me? Do I really want to program and write codes for a living? If not, have I wasted a semester of my time and money already?
This is misery. A part of me is a dreamer who wishes he could get paid to just play the music he loves; I have no doubt in my God-given talent, and that I can play just as well as many professionals. But it's unrealistic to think that I could make a living doing it, just as it's unrealistic to think there's any money in writing.
Oh yeah, did I mention that I still don't have a job?
I'm sick.
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